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I am an Experimental Photographer
EndlessWickedBliss
United States
Why I Am Here
- To express myself when I am hurting
- To show my artwork to the world
- To become a better artist
Last Visit: 2 days ago
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i'm sorry, it's so not my place..and i feel like a terrible eaves dropper...but i came to read that comment about your best friend... that's an amazing love you have for her...i hope she knows. and i hope everything gets better... love.
What happened last month? that's so awesome that things are starting to look up...
how did your photo shoots go today?
I've been ok...been exploring a little. starting my endless search for "perfection"....AGAIN...ugh...but ya know how it is right? other then that things have been pretty chillin
Well... today went different than I planned went to school had the photoshoot (make up artist took 2 hours instead 1 like we planned so the lighting was low and the shots came out horrible.) Then my best friend called and we started talking, and I had a lot of built up problems I wanted to share.. but as I started to share more problems flooded my mind and overwhelmed me and I hung up my friend because i started crying, shaking and throwing up...Then I realized that it was time to die... The only thing stopping me killing myself previously was fear of failure... which is ironic because I am talking to you now, I just got back from the hospital.
there are people that need me on this planet.. fucked up, hurt, crazy, rape victim, drug addict people. But even them I was willing to let live without me.., My best friend tho... who I am deeply in love with and want nothing more than to marry her (but she has a boyfriend, and I am crazy and would not be healthy for her even tho if her and her bf broke up she would probably date me, I don't know if I would let her... I love her too much)
Anyway... I am working my way to my vein and oh my god skin is actually kind of hard to cut that deep into, and I am a cutter so I thought it would be easy, it wasnt the pain I don't feel any pain actually it jsut was physically too hard to do with the knife I had.. lol...
yeah so I get past the skin, get past the layer of fat and I literally searching for my vein which keeps moving around when She pops in my head... so I stop, cause I can't finish and leave her without someone to talk to I call her I ask her to drive me to the hospital and get stiches and shit
fuck...
I am not sure if you are going to even be able to read what I just typed because I am still so fucked up and can't think straight
I dunno good night I guess, I post the pics when I can... i am not proud of them tho, like I said the lighting was bad and the model was hard to work with
Hey fuck...i don't really know what to say...there's really no words that can make shit better...you and i both know that. But i know [first hand] that when you have someone that you love SOOOOOO much, and they love you just as much back...whatever they say [regardless of what you tell them] does make a difference...
I hope that she was able to help you some.
I guess anorexia isn't the only thing we have/have had in common though...i haven't cut for almost a year now, but i know what that's like too...
Don't worry about venting to me, at least you're getting it out right? what happened that made you want to cut though? what triggered it?
I'm sorry that your shoot didn't go so well today, there's bad days and good days, and after all of your good days you're bound to have a shit one some time or another
If you feel like venting anymore, feel free...i'll try and reply as soon as i can, But i can't assure you that what i say will make alot of difference.........
can't wait to see your new shots...you're most likely a perfectionist with high standards, you've seen my latest shots...something that you're not proud of though, is probably 10x better then what i am
that's an amazing love you have for her...i hope she knows. and i hope everything gets better...
love.
I have a couple photo shoots lined up, one is today so I am pretty excited.
How have you been?
how did your photo shoots go today?
I've been ok...been exploring a little. starting my endless search for "perfection"....AGAIN...ugh...but ya know how it is right? other then that things have been pretty chillin
can't wait to see your new shots.
xo
went to school
had the photoshoot (make up artist took 2 hours instead 1 like we planned so the lighting was low and the shots came out horrible.)
Then my best friend called and we started talking, and I had a lot of built up problems I wanted to share.. but as I started to share more problems flooded my mind and overwhelmed me and I hung up my friend because i started crying, shaking and throwing up...Then I realized that it was time to die...
The only thing stopping me killing myself previously was fear of failure...
which is ironic because I am talking to you now, I just got back from the hospital.
there are people that need me on this planet.. fucked up, hurt, crazy, rape victim, drug addict people.
But even them I was willing to let live without me..,
My best friend tho... who I am deeply in love with and want nothing more than to marry her (but she has a boyfriend, and I am crazy and would not be healthy for her even tho if her and her bf broke up she would probably date me, I don't know if I would let her... I love her too much)
Anyway... I am working my way to my vein and oh my god skin is actually kind of hard to cut that deep into, and I am a cutter so I thought it would be easy, it wasnt the pain I don't feel any pain actually it jsut was physically too hard to do with the knife I had.. lol...
yeah so I get past the skin, get past the layer of fat and I literally searching for my vein which keeps moving around when She pops in my head... so I stop, cause I can't finish and leave her without someone to talk to
I call her
I ask her to drive me to the hospital and get stiches and shit
fuck...
I am not sure if you are going to even be able to read what I just typed because I am still so fucked up and can't think straight
I dunno
good night I guess, I post the pics when I can... i am not proud of them tho, like I said the lighting was bad and the model was hard to work with
I hope that she was able to help you some.
I guess anorexia isn't the only thing we have/have had in common though...i haven't cut for almost a year now, but i know what that's like too...
Don't worry about venting to me, at least you're getting it out right? what happened that made you want to cut though? what triggered it?
I'm sorry that your shoot didn't go so well today, there's bad days and good days, and after all of your good days you're bound to have a shit one some time or another
If you feel like venting anymore, feel free...i'll try and reply as soon as i can, But i can't assure you that what i say will make alot of difference.........
can't wait to see your new shots...you're most likely a perfectionist with high standards, you've seen my latest shots...something that you're not proud of though, is probably 10x better then what i am
xx
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~Dare to be Different, and live every moment like it was your last~
I'm a member of the Sky Club! [link]
Andddd the Colors-Of-Souls Club! [link]
Eyes and Skies
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We're nothing like God. Not only are our powers limited, sometimes we're driven to become the Devil himself.
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~Inspiration still lingers in the comments that have been written months ago.
Jeana~
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